Walker Wars

Mom has always been of a rather stubborn mindset. Her dementia hasn't changed anything as far as that goes. It shows up most often on the jaunt to and from the washroom.Sometimes I lead her where she needs to go which also helps speed her up a little, but she really does not care for that kind of help...unless she get "stuck" somewhere.

There are times when I see Mom making a direct beeline for the sofa or the wall and I'll try to gently move her walker in the correct direction. This often meets with a look of disapproval and sometimes an exasperated sigh as well as the accompanied response of a tug on her part to continue in the wrong direction.

Then there is the phenomena we call "the crab walk." Occasionally Mom will choose to walk a little sideways with her walker which of course leads to some instability and increases the chances of a fall. I tell her she needs to walk straight, and sometimes I need to call her name to make sure she hears me and is paying attention. She will then say, "Okay." and continue with the crab walk.

Turning the corner to enter the bathroom is the main challenge. Mom often looks like she's an undercover agent sneaking up on the perpetrator as she moves sideways into the room at a painfully slow pace. This was a battle I used to fight regularly. I wanted her to walk straight forward, she insisted on the crab walk. I would guide her walker in the "proper" direction and she would resist. One night she stopped, looked at me and said, "I'm trying to use my walker but there's something that's always pulling it in another direction!"

"That's me Mom, trying to get you to walk forward instead of sideways."

"Oh, okay," and the crab walk resumed! That was when I decided to just keep an eye on her and let her do it her way. She leans against the wall and the doorjamb for support so it's not like she is really going to fall backwards and I'm there to catch her regardless. Eventually she straightens out - mostly.

It's easy to get frustrated with the situation. On the other hand, she is still mobile and that's a good thing. The lesson here, out of the many lessons, is one that seems to permeate the entire experience and that is: Embrace patience. Take a deep breath, see the blessings in slowing down and be okay with things just the way they are.

I remind myself often that the reason I am here right now is to help take care of Mom. This is my calling, my duty, my privilege, my choice.  I don't have to step away from my life to help with Mom. I have the option to take up "normal living" whenever I choose. However, my choice is to be here for her. That means I get to slow down to her pace and live in her world and learn the lessons that are available for the gleaning.

It's certainly not easy to watch a parent slowly slip away little bit by little bit, but somehow there is some solace in knowing that she isn't traveling this road alone in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar faces. We are blessed to have the ability to care for her at home. Not everyone is so fortunate. So, even though the journey may be a little difficult at times, still I am glad I have the opportunity to hold her hand and travel this road with her.

What feelings have you had to deal with while journeying with a loved one in the dementia dimension?