The Face Wipe

The old "face wipe" is something I meant to write about quite a while ago. In a way it's important, and in a way it's not. The face wipe itself is simply that - wiping your face - or in this case, the face of the person for whom you are providing care.

It is easy to assume that everyone always thinks of these little niceties, but I assure you in the daily scheme of things we often forget about the most obvious matters. Have you ever looked for something only to have someone else point out that it is right in front of your face? It happens to just about everyone. When Mom was ill and spent time in rehab recuperating from the side effects of some medication, I saw first hand how easy it is to overlook the small things that make a person comfortable.

When the staff had to transfer Mom from one place to another they would put a strap around her chest and lift her with the strap. This was for their safety as well as Mom's. Occasionally that strap would end up pinching her and because of how they lifted her they couldn't see the expression of pain on her face. I could see it and at those time I would always say something. 

After meals I noticed that unless a person made a very noticeable mess, they seldom got their hands or face wiped off. In some cases that would mean spending the rest of the day with sticky fingers or crusty lips. I'm sure after a while a person gets used to it, but for myself, soiled hands drive me nuts. So I would make sure that Mom's face and hands were clean.

One thing I didn't think about in the beginning of her more intensive care was wiping her face off in the morning and before bedtime. Of course it should be obvious, but sometimes the obvious things escape us. There is the brushing of teeth, getting the crusties out of the eyes and corners of the mouth, personal hygiene and making sure clothes are clean and not bunching up; the usual preparation for the day.

One morning as I stood in front of the sink doing my usual routine, a light went on for me. I have a habit of taking my face cloth and getting it nice and warm and just holding it on my face for a few seconds and doing the same to the back of my neck. I learned this from Mom years ago.

It was summer and she was with me when I was getting prepared to go onstage for a performance. I was hot and grumpy and she took a couple of cool towels and put them on the back of my neck. Then she had me take a cool towel and just hold it on my face for a few seconds. At first I was irritated and ready to snap at her, but it really felt good and it calmed me down. It's a simple thing that I've been doing ever since to keep things in check when I feel irritated and I find it a soothing beginning and ending to my day.

Well, this particular morning it dawned on me that Mom used to do the same thing every morning and night, but now that she wasn't able to tend to those matters alone, the practice had gone by the wayside. "Mom, would you like me to wipe your face?" I asked. She smiled and nodded. So I took her face cloth and dampened it with warm water and squeezed it out good. Then with both hands I held it on her face for a few seconds. I noticed that her breathing changed and a kind of peace seemed to settle on her shoulders. I warmed the cloth again and put it on the back of her neck and she gave a couple of contented sighs.

"That feels good." she said.

It's amazing how tiny, inconsequential things can mean so much to a person. Well, that episode was a long time ago. I now do it as a little ritual and incorporate silent prayer for her as part of it. I also gently wipe off her hands. Somehow I know this little practice is helping both of us to deal with life in the dementia dimension.